Coming soon...

I have something new coming soon...sit tight and stay funky =)

Just a quick pick me up....

So I know I haven't done this in a while, but I felt compelled to get this one out. 

In case anyone is wondering, school is going fine. Not swimmingly, but fine. I recently completed one of the biggest hurdles that 1L students at my school have to go through, which unfortunately not everyone made. So I'm just happy to still be here. 

But then there are times when I go back to Christmas break mode after learning my grades...like right now. 

The honor fraternity that I made my goal my first semester to get into is having their initiation ceremony tonight, and of course I'm not there. I saw them in the foyer, and noticed many of my classmates...smiling and laughing and so dressed up...and I was hit with the "Why me's?" all over again. 

And it kind of sucked for 10 minutes. 

I already know that the only thing I can do is try harder and learn from my mistakes from last semester. But the broader point that I'm trying to make is that every now and then we go back to that spot in our history that we thought we were over and it sucks/hurts/angers us all over again. But when you really think about it, the feelings are only fleeting and as soon as you see what you have in front of you and stop looking behind you, then you can actually walk FORWARD. You can never get ahead of anyone if you keep looking behind you. The finish line is in front, not the back. Just keep swimming... You should always be looking forward, ahead, up, above, and keep the past in mind to LEARN from, but not to forget. Because if you do forget, you're bound to repeat it. 

So I'm going to go ahead and get back to studying...because at least while my fortunate classmates get to celebrate their initiation with all the food and drink and festivities, I'm getting a day ahead on my Oral Argument preparation. =) 

Keep it funky! 

Happy Valentines Day

I was going to post the history of Valentine's Day and maybe say something philosophical about it, but I started reading wikipedia (because they ALWAYS know what they're talking about. lol) and decided against it because it was utterly boring. 

The deal is there were lots of guys named Valentine. They were martyred back in 200 something. Some guy in 1300 something wrote a book that mentioned Valentine in the same line as birds mating. There you go...Happy Valentine's Day! lol. 

But even thought the history is totally unromantic, it has become quite the upper/downer for us nowadays. People are ecstatic about certain gifts there sweethearts are supposed to be getting them, and other's are bummed because this is the time for lovers and they're single. 

To the love birds...congrats and enjoy today. Show love to each other on more than just Valentine's Day and eat some extra chocolate for me

To the single folks (me included) I'm not going to go on saying that this is really just "Single's awareness day" because it's not. Let's just face it this day isn't for us, and we feel left out and lonely. Some try to make up for it by going out with there other single friends, or by just acting like it's just another day, which is damn near impossible since this day has been shoved down everyone's throat since grade school party's and we all know it's coming right after Christmas when all the stores start stalking their shelves with red and pink teddy bears. 

It's okay to feel left out because all the good stuff goes to the people with the lovers in their lives. But, it still doesn't mean that we can't enjoy ourselves. As corny as it is you can be your own Valentine. 

True story. In high school during a carnation sale I didn't get any carnations, not even from a friend (thanks guys). So the next year, I sent my self five. lol. And while I paid for them and they weren't a gift from someone else, they were a gift from Ashley to Ashley because if you don't love yourself love muffins....you know how that goes. lol. 

So if you feel the need to be down, go ahead. I did. But I'm also going to spend that money that would've been spent on a nice gift for someone on me and going to get my nails done a facial. Oh, and instead of buying yourself candy before V-Day or on, wait till after when it's all on sale and still good. lol

That's how I keep it funky =) 

All about YOU

Something that has increasingly been brought to my attention is people that feel like they need outside validation of themselves. I'm not talking about anyone specific, because I've had this conversation with a lot of people in only a few weeks. They hear people tell them that they're good at this or that, or how much they like them, whatever, whatever. But still feel like they need something OUTSIDE themselves to validate all of that. This is what baffles me.

Why do people feel that them by themselves isn't good enough? And I mean you telling yourself that you're what that is. I don't understand why people need someone else, or something else to tell them that. Now I know this sounds a little like I should be eating my slice of humble pie, but it's not that. I'm not saying I'm the best at anything, but I know, all by myself, I'm a pretty awesome person. 

Sometimes shit happens. But I don't let that stop me from thinking that I'm not going to do well. What defines you, isn't people or things, but how YOU react to them.  See how this all stems from YOU? 

I'll get a little more personal than I'd like and share something to try and illustrate my point. 

I just came off the worst academic semester of my entire life. But I'm going to keep swimming. I got an email from school suggesting I take a class for study skills, blah blah, or face possibly getting kicked out of school. Basically, remedial law class. Half the class got this email. 

For me, I felt bad enough about my grades, I didn't have anything left in me to be mad or upset. I was just tired. But I had two options: go, or get kicked out. There were people that were crying because they didn't want the other students to think that they weren't smart enough, or that they had to wear a dunce hat, and that everyone would know and make fun of them because they were the stupid kids. Normally, I would've reacted this way, but I was too focused on the "face dismissal" part of the email to let that bother me. I heard of people actually wanting to drop out instead of having "everyone" know that they were having to take an extra class. Are you kidding me??

(I later found out I got this email by mistake - Praise Jesus - but that's not the point) 

The point is, how people reacted to this email is what made them. Not the fact that they got the email. 

If you felt like you were going wear a dunce cap, that's a reflection on how YOU felt about being there, not the other students. If you felt that other students were going to ridicule you because your grades weren't as high as there's even though you worked your ass off, that's a problem YOU got to deal with. Because those other students aren't in that class, and they aren't worried a damn bit that you are. Who cares that you're in the class? YOU. No one else. 

For the more religious folks: 

Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways", declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

I put this in here to show that we're not supposed to understand everything. But it's important to have faith that you're on the right track. I feel like HE will put you where you need to be, and that HE's already got it all figured out. 

So don't worry, don't have doubts, don't be too hard on yourself. If you're made in HIS image (as I believe) and you doubt yourself, wouldn't you be doubting HIM too? 

It's the reacting to things in life that define who are you. You're not the bomb because you got a bomb job. You get the bomb job because you're the bomb. 

Even though my grades weren't wear I wanted them, that's still not keeping me from my Jimmy Choos. 

oh so funky

Humdrum...

Now I'm finally having to get back to work. It's almost seem vacation-esque being back at school since I have yet had a full week of class, including this week. I guess the professors get a little lazy like the students tend to too. But I'm trying not to let these lovely little breaks get me in a couch potato mode to where I don't give it my all. I'm sooo not going to give it the "all" that I gave it last semester. That was just too much. But it's important to find a balance in what it is you do. Last semester was no Ashley time. So far this semester it's been Ashley time as a priority instead of school. So now I have to readjust my thinking and get back to it. But still keeping Ashley time on the schedule instead of deleting it completely. 

I feel so humdrum about the whole thing. (Whatever that means) 

I feel like it's going to start off as a blah day, and then something is going to put a serious smile on my face later on.

Don't you just love that feeling?

Quite funky

Just keep swimming

So...I have my grades from my very first semester of law school. While everyone is telling me to just work harder (they weren't grades that I wanted) I get incredibly frustrated because I really can't work any harder. I gave up happy hours with class mates, football games on Saturday, sleep, breakfast, working out, eating dinner, to devote pretty much my life to studying. 

And maybe that was the problem

Maybe I did too much. 

There was no Ashley time. There was no time for me to get myself together. My laundry piled up as well as my trash. But I was reading. And studying. And practicing. And it was all supposed to pay off. 

Well. I don't think that it did. And since everyone is telling me to change things, I'm going to do just that. 

I'm going to watch basketball. I'm going to go out once a month. I'm going to keep going to church. I'm going to keep working out. I'm actually going to stop studying to eat dinner. I'm going to get sleep. I'm going to get a DVR and actually watch TV...American Idol is back on after all. 

I say all this to make a point about optimism. I have the grades that I have and nothing is going to change that. So what do I do? Quit or keep going. And since I don't have a rich husband, looks like I'm going to have to keep going. The beautiful part is I don't have to think about those grades ever again. They're there! It's not like starting this semester is going to erase them, but I can't let them hold me back from getting where I want to get in my legal career. They are the grades for the first semester after all. And to a law student that means A LOT. But, it's just the first semester. 

True, this is the first major set back that I've ever experienced. I've never fallen so far from a goal that I reached. That saying, "Shoot for the moon because if you miss you'll land among the stars." ...  I landed somewhere around the International Space Station. Not very far from where I started. But, I am closer to the moon. So I'll just try again. It doesn't matter if I was on a satellite or the moon. The sun will still rise. 

So here's what's to be said about optimism. For those of you that suffer set backs, hardships, and disappointments in life, just know that the people at the top can't climb any higher, but you can. And no one can ever really appreciate the good times, unless they have suffered the hard. 

Keep your head up and keep it funky =)

Back into the fight...

I'm heading back to Houston tomorrow. This was the first break that I had that I didn't get bored. I like law school, don't get me wrong, but I'm sooo not ready to go back yet. It's not like I get to go back and enjoy Houston any. I have to go back and hit the books running. My grades were alright I guess so far, but I expect more from myself, and I'm going to get the result I want if it means even less sleep. I'll get used to it. =)

I had the competitive air around me and people saw that when I was in school. I never tried to hide books or not give anyone information when they asked for it. But I wasn't just giving debbie cakes away. (Inside info=debbie cakes) You're friends are your enemies in law school. You can't double cross anyone at this point in the game though, because NO ONE will want to work with you. That's life though. It's like big brother. Everyone looks out for who can help them the most...and now I head to my digression about egocentrism 

So now I'm headed back into the Lion's Den. It's a jungle in there.  The sick thing is, is that I'm excited. I have such a weird adrenaline rush about an intellectual challenge. Anyone else getting turned on? lol. I'm a nerd, I know. Overcoming obstacles is such a rush for me. And yes, I know I just had a blog about humble pie, but like I said in the beginning, I'm an optimist. I'm realistic enough to know that I'm not going to be Magna Cum Laude, but I know that I can get good grades. 

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen is how I plan to keep it funky.