All about YOU

Something that has increasingly been brought to my attention is people that feel like they need outside validation of themselves. I'm not talking about anyone specific, because I've had this conversation with a lot of people in only a few weeks. They hear people tell them that they're good at this or that, or how much they like them, whatever, whatever. But still feel like they need something OUTSIDE themselves to validate all of that. This is what baffles me.

Why do people feel that them by themselves isn't good enough? And I mean you telling yourself that you're what that is. I don't understand why people need someone else, or something else to tell them that. Now I know this sounds a little like I should be eating my slice of humble pie, but it's not that. I'm not saying I'm the best at anything, but I know, all by myself, I'm a pretty awesome person. 

Sometimes shit happens. But I don't let that stop me from thinking that I'm not going to do well. What defines you, isn't people or things, but how YOU react to them.  See how this all stems from YOU? 

I'll get a little more personal than I'd like and share something to try and illustrate my point. 

I just came off the worst academic semester of my entire life. But I'm going to keep swimming. I got an email from school suggesting I take a class for study skills, blah blah, or face possibly getting kicked out of school. Basically, remedial law class. Half the class got this email. 

For me, I felt bad enough about my grades, I didn't have anything left in me to be mad or upset. I was just tired. But I had two options: go, or get kicked out. There were people that were crying because they didn't want the other students to think that they weren't smart enough, or that they had to wear a dunce hat, and that everyone would know and make fun of them because they were the stupid kids. Normally, I would've reacted this way, but I was too focused on the "face dismissal" part of the email to let that bother me. I heard of people actually wanting to drop out instead of having "everyone" know that they were having to take an extra class. Are you kidding me??

(I later found out I got this email by mistake - Praise Jesus - but that's not the point) 

The point is, how people reacted to this email is what made them. Not the fact that they got the email. 

If you felt like you were going wear a dunce cap, that's a reflection on how YOU felt about being there, not the other students. If you felt that other students were going to ridicule you because your grades weren't as high as there's even though you worked your ass off, that's a problem YOU got to deal with. Because those other students aren't in that class, and they aren't worried a damn bit that you are. Who cares that you're in the class? YOU. No one else. 

For the more religious folks: 

Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways", declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

I put this in here to show that we're not supposed to understand everything. But it's important to have faith that you're on the right track. I feel like HE will put you where you need to be, and that HE's already got it all figured out. 

So don't worry, don't have doubts, don't be too hard on yourself. If you're made in HIS image (as I believe) and you doubt yourself, wouldn't you be doubting HIM too? 

It's the reacting to things in life that define who are you. You're not the bomb because you got a bomb job. You get the bomb job because you're the bomb. 

Even though my grades weren't wear I wanted them, that's still not keeping me from my Jimmy Choos. 

oh so funky

Humdrum...

Now I'm finally having to get back to work. It's almost seem vacation-esque being back at school since I have yet had a full week of class, including this week. I guess the professors get a little lazy like the students tend to too. But I'm trying not to let these lovely little breaks get me in a couch potato mode to where I don't give it my all. I'm sooo not going to give it the "all" that I gave it last semester. That was just too much. But it's important to find a balance in what it is you do. Last semester was no Ashley time. So far this semester it's been Ashley time as a priority instead of school. So now I have to readjust my thinking and get back to it. But still keeping Ashley time on the schedule instead of deleting it completely. 

I feel so humdrum about the whole thing. (Whatever that means) 

I feel like it's going to start off as a blah day, and then something is going to put a serious smile on my face later on.

Don't you just love that feeling?

Quite funky

Just keep swimming

So...I have my grades from my very first semester of law school. While everyone is telling me to just work harder (they weren't grades that I wanted) I get incredibly frustrated because I really can't work any harder. I gave up happy hours with class mates, football games on Saturday, sleep, breakfast, working out, eating dinner, to devote pretty much my life to studying. 

And maybe that was the problem

Maybe I did too much. 

There was no Ashley time. There was no time for me to get myself together. My laundry piled up as well as my trash. But I was reading. And studying. And practicing. And it was all supposed to pay off. 

Well. I don't think that it did. And since everyone is telling me to change things, I'm going to do just that. 

I'm going to watch basketball. I'm going to go out once a month. I'm going to keep going to church. I'm going to keep working out. I'm actually going to stop studying to eat dinner. I'm going to get sleep. I'm going to get a DVR and actually watch TV...American Idol is back on after all. 

I say all this to make a point about optimism. I have the grades that I have and nothing is going to change that. So what do I do? Quit or keep going. And since I don't have a rich husband, looks like I'm going to have to keep going. The beautiful part is I don't have to think about those grades ever again. They're there! It's not like starting this semester is going to erase them, but I can't let them hold me back from getting where I want to get in my legal career. They are the grades for the first semester after all. And to a law student that means A LOT. But, it's just the first semester. 

True, this is the first major set back that I've ever experienced. I've never fallen so far from a goal that I reached. That saying, "Shoot for the moon because if you miss you'll land among the stars." ...  I landed somewhere around the International Space Station. Not very far from where I started. But, I am closer to the moon. So I'll just try again. It doesn't matter if I was on a satellite or the moon. The sun will still rise. 

So here's what's to be said about optimism. For those of you that suffer set backs, hardships, and disappointments in life, just know that the people at the top can't climb any higher, but you can. And no one can ever really appreciate the good times, unless they have suffered the hard. 

Keep your head up and keep it funky =)

Back into the fight...

I'm heading back to Houston tomorrow. This was the first break that I had that I didn't get bored. I like law school, don't get me wrong, but I'm sooo not ready to go back yet. It's not like I get to go back and enjoy Houston any. I have to go back and hit the books running. My grades were alright I guess so far, but I expect more from myself, and I'm going to get the result I want if it means even less sleep. I'll get used to it. =)

I had the competitive air around me and people saw that when I was in school. I never tried to hide books or not give anyone information when they asked for it. But I wasn't just giving debbie cakes away. (Inside info=debbie cakes) You're friends are your enemies in law school. You can't double cross anyone at this point in the game though, because NO ONE will want to work with you. That's life though. It's like big brother. Everyone looks out for who can help them the most...and now I head to my digression about egocentrism 

So now I'm headed back into the Lion's Den. It's a jungle in there.  The sick thing is, is that I'm excited. I have such a weird adrenaline rush about an intellectual challenge. Anyone else getting turned on? lol. I'm a nerd, I know. Overcoming obstacles is such a rush for me. And yes, I know I just had a blog about humble pie, but like I said in the beginning, I'm an optimist. I'm realistic enough to know that I'm not going to be Magna Cum Laude, but I know that I can get good grades. 

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen is how I plan to keep it funky. 

Have A Piece of Pie

My father tried as hard as possible to teach me humility when I was younger. But I was just an incredibly proud, talkative, child that new I was a princess, (I still am ;-), but the problem was that EVERYONE else needed to know it too. The idea got into my head when my mother told me I was a duchess because my father is an Earl. (Pun on the last name for those of you who missed it). 

Sure there were times where I knew there were people that were better at me than some things, so I didn't try to compete. I let them have what they wanted and didn't try to stand in the way because trying to be better would just lead to disappointment. But, when it came to things that I was good at, like dancing back in high school, I was told that my team mates (drill team) didn't like me because I walked around like I was the best damn dancer on the team. I knew I wasn't, but I never thought I walked around like I was. And what the hell was so wrong with having confidencee in my dancing abilities? I can honestly say at this point I wasn't being cocky. I just loved to dance and gave it my all. 

My dad would be happy to learn that I have officially had my slice of humble pie, and it's disgusting. I hate it and never want to eat it again. It's worse than having your mouth washed out with soap. The worst part is, because I don't feel like I've ever had a piece, my taste buds haven't had a chance to get used to it. Humble pie is an acquired taste. I think it's nasty. 

Of course, the reason why this pie is the worst thing to ever cross my lips is not necessarily because I've never had it before, but I always thought I was too good for the pie. Who wants humble pie, when you can have chocolate fondant? Mmmm. 

I think the phrase "pie" is misleading. Who doesn't like pie? You're supposed to like pie. Pie is supposed to taste good. I think we should call it humble soap. And you get your ego washed, like you would your mouth with regular soap if your mom caught you cursing. Now that's gross. 

So how do we not cross that thin line between humility and cockiness? I will admit that I can easily cross that line. I don't claim to know everything, but I still think I'm a DIVA. A little set back isn't going to keep me from getting what I want. I work hard, and I am good at what I do. But I now recognize that there are people who are better at it. Which makes me wonder, if there's always someone who's better at something, how can there ever be a best?

So what happens when we come across something that we want to be good at, nay, the best, and we come to find out that other people are still better. No matter how hard you work, or how much time and effort you put into it, there's always someone better than you. What do you do? Well hopefully you've learned that having your ego scrubbed down isn't a pleasant experience and you've remained slightly humbled. By no means ever down play your abilities. It's kinda cool to come from no where and shock everyone with how awesome you are, but don't gloat, no matter how much you want to rub in everyone's faces that you're the bomb. They know you are, and you know you are, so why announce it? This is when the line is crossed. You don't need to do the speaking about how awesome you are, your actions, triumphs, achievements, etc. will do it for you. 

And that Ladies and Gentlemen is how you keep it funky. 

What about your friends?

So I just had a reunion from people that I went to undergrad with this past weekend and it really got me to thinking about what makes a lasting friendship. Some of these people I don't know if I would keep in contact with five years later, and some people I've become closer to. I know people change and adapt to their new settings in life that don't necessarily include being as involved in your friends life as usual and that's just how life is. People move away and move on. But it's nice to reconnect with each other. Grant it most of us graduated in May and it hasn't been that long since we've seen each other, but It was just like how it was at school. 

It got me to thinking about how you decide the people that you keep in your life and the people that you decide it's time they make their exit. 

Moving on in life and being put out our comfort zone can really make people grow up fast. That's what I felt happened to me when I went away to law school. I know that bitchassness, messiness, craziness, etc. will follow you wherever you go in life when it comes to a social scene. There's always that one person that can't keep their nose out of other people's business because they think that they are being a good friend by stepping in. Well fyi if you're one of those people and you're reading this...MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!! I know it sounds harsh, but a good friend turns her/his head sometimes. A good friend wont let you go out looking crazy, but will let you know if you ask them that that dress isn't working for you. 

I wonder sometimes why we call certain people our friends. Is it just because we're comfortable around them? Because we've known them for so long? Because They've just always been there? 

I have even found myself remaining friends with some people just because I have always been friends with them. But I find this to be a mistake. For me, I seem to hold on to people that seem to be there for me when/if I need them (sometimes) but they have a tendency to latch on and be vultures. They become toxic. People...let these toxic folk out of your life. It's like being in an abusive relationship. Your sig may always say he's sorry after he beats the shit out of you, but that doesn't change the fact that HE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!! 

I believe that I have grown immensely since I moved to go to law school, and to be honest, the stress and hullabaloo of worrying about grades and studying makes me not sweat the small stuff. I don't care that so-n-so talked about me coming to class in sweat pants (or whatever other petty thing people find to talk about because they're too busy worrying about other people instead of themselves), I have work to do.  

So please, don't sweat the small stuff. If you find you have a toxic friend let them go. You'll find that you don't miss them because you're too busy doing you and not worrying about what other people think. Like my Daddy always said, "If they ain't putting food on your table, or paying your bills...F*** 'Em"

And please Ladies and Gentlemen remember to always keep it funky =) 

Keepin it funky

This is a term that is used by many of us when referring to keeping it real. If you noticed, the title of my blog is Funkytown. That means I mean to keep it real at all times. This is the place to go if you want your daily dose of realness. I'm real, but not a realistic. That doesn't mean I live in a fantasy world, but I believe if you say you're realistic that's pretty much the same as saying you're a pessimist. I haven't come across one person that says that they're a realist and has a positive outlook on life. With that...welcome to Funkytown and enjoy your stay. =)